


Wingin' It

by ChompMom



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell, Awkward Flirting, F/M, Fluff, Gender-Neutral Frisk, I guess???, I'm new at this sorry, Non-Verbal Frisk, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Underfell Sans, probably don't actually do that, uh, using kids to pick up chicks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-21 23:05:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13153908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChompMom/pseuds/ChompMom
Summary: Frisk is Sans' best friend and the ultimate wingman/chick magnet.  Using kids to pick up chicks, what could possibly go wrong?





	Wingin' It

**Author's Note:**

> Um. Fair warning, it's been a LONG time since I've written anything, let alone posted it for public reading. Plus this is my first time attempting to do some sort of fan work. So go easy on me?? But maybe not too easy, since I'm here to improve after all. Anyway, please enjoy n_n

Frisk was the best wingman ever, they knew that for a fact. What did ladies love more than seeing a big, tough-looking dude being all sweet with an irresistibly cute little kid? A well placed sniffle or tearful eyes soothed by a skeleton cuddle could go a long way in getting their partner-in-crime a date with a pretty lady.

The young monster ambassador glanced across the park where said partner was lounging on a bench keeping an eye(socket) out for them. They had finally spotted their intended target, and quickly signed to Sans:  **It’s go time**. Plopping down on their rump, Frisk pushed themself down the slide from their lookout perch on top of the playground equipment. Once their feet were firmly planted in the sand, they put their cleverly devised plan into action.

Springing away towards the bench their guardian was relaxing on, they masterfully feigned tripping and did a magnificent faceplant right into the ground. They slowly sat up and began their grand performance. Eyes shining with tears, they began wailing in earnest, hamming it up to seem as pathetic as possible. Sans hefted his heavy bones and started towards them, false concern etched into his boney face.

However, before Sans could approach them, the human lady Frisk had picked out as their next eligible bachelorette had already crouched down in front of them and was fussing a bit. It took them a moment to even register the lady’s words, as they were too busy staring blankly at her face, crocodile teared facade forgotten in their surprise. In their periphery they vaguely registered Sans nervously hovering, unsure what to do now that their little stage play had gone awry.

* * *

 

The kid made an excellent little lady magnet. Nothing disarmed human women faster than a spooky scary skeleton being sickeningly cute with a tiny human kid. Something about the juxtaposition of a hulking monster and a fragile-looking child just drew people in. His first date success rate so far was pretty good, although they’d eventually have to switch to a new park before all the regulars picked up on their little grift.

His soul leapt slightly as the kid signaled that they’d spotted their new target. No matter how many times they pulled this he still managed to have a great time. A mixture between a con and picking up chicks? Sign him the heck up. He slightly adjusted his puffy black jacket and pulled on the neck of his cherry red turtleneck sweater. It was showtime.

Being a natural actor, and by extension, an incredible flirt, the kid was perfect in their role as bait. Not to mention they had excellent taste and always chose women that Sans would normally only admire covertly while sulking in a corner. Ladies too good and classy for a punk of a skeleton like him. He tucked his sharp smile more firmly into the fluffy collar and hood of his coat, hiding his slightly lewd grin. He couldn’t wait to see his newest…ehhh… “victim”. The kid knew he took the ladies on dates, but they didn’t need to know about their...after-date activities. Not until they were older, anyway.

Sans watched the child fondly as they began their usual trip-and-faceplant play, inspired by their little brat of a friend, Monster Kid. They nicknamed this maneuver the “MK Special” in his honor. The kid scampered towards him with all the unfettered enthusiasm of an 8-year-old hopped up on nice cream. They executed a magnificent faceplant, and at the moment of impact, Sans used a bit of blue magic to keep the kid from smashing their nose on the concrete. Tori would dust him on the spot if he brought her child back with one single strand of mousey brown hair out of place. Regardless, it was now Sans’ time to play the doting guardian for the benefit of the eligible lady.

Before he could approach Frisk’s prone form however, a snappily dressed young woman with mounds of thick, curly, dark hair and smooth skin just a few shades darker than Frisk’s own crouched in front of them. Sans was stunned. They’d never had this exact problem before, usually onlookers were too startled initially to help the fallen kid up right away, leaving the already prepped Sans to swoop in like a hero. He sidled up nervously to the two humans, thrown off his game completely. He floundered for words but couldn’t seem to complete a thought, let alone open his mouth and produce a proper sentence. _Smooth Sans, smooth._

Sans’ presence caused the lady’s head to snap up to meet his eyelights with piercing brown eyes. “This your kid?” She inquired as she wiped Frisk’s cheeks free of tears with a tissue she’d pulled from her purse.

The monster blanched and began shaking his skull back and forth furiously. He felt sweat dripping down the back of his vertebrae. “*uhhh no uhh….they’re not….um ‘m just a glorified babysitter…” he trailed off awkwardly.

“Right, well, at least they’re not hurt.” The lady turned back to Frisk, “Right, bud? You seem like a little toughie. What’s your name kiddo?” Presented with the opportunity to make a new friend, Frisk immediately abandoned their little play and began signing enthusiastically.

**I’m Frisk! And this is my uncle Sans! You’re really really pretty!!**

The lady laughed pleasantly, a deep, rich sound that warmed Sans’ bones. “Well thank you Frisk. It is wonderful to meet you, and you too Sans. You can call me Ms. G.” Realizing that this new friend was able to understand sign, Frisk’s face split into a wide grin and they launched themselves headfirst into the lady’s abdomen. Letting out a quiet ‘oof’, the lady, Ms. G, hugged the kid back gently and smiled softly down at them. Sans’ soul shuddered slightly at the sight of that pretty little smile and he suddenly remembered why they were in this situation to being with.

 _Get it back on track Sansy, you can still turn this around_. “*heh looks like you got a new friend there kiddo. Better save some hugs for me or I might start gettin’ jealous.” He chuckled softly as Frisk whipped their head back around to face him. Their expression out of Ms. G’s line of sight, Frisk sent Sans an absolutely wicked grin and purposefully pressed their face back into the rather...ample chest of their new friend. _Oh I see how it’s gonna be kiddo._ “*c’mere bud don’t leave me hanging,” Sans held his arms out for a hug, with an exaggerated pout on his face. He felt a deep seated satisfaction when he saw the amused grin of Ms. G in response to his antics. Frisk begrudgingly let go of the young woman and hopped into their uncle’s waiting arms, letting out silent giggles as he began tickling them mercilessly.

At Frisk’s insistence, the three of them spent a couple hours playing on the swings. Sans was hilariously oversized for the swings but planted his bony butt in one regardless, allowing Frisk to attempt to push him. Obviously this did not go well. The combined efforts of Ms. G and Frisk were just barely enough to get him moving but even then he refused to do any work. Finally throwing their arms up in exasperation, Frisk insisted Ms. G push them for a bit while Sans sat down to watch Frisk swing. After they’d gotten a good start, Ms. G went over to sit with Sans to watch the sun growing ever lower in the sky. “You’re really good with them. It’s pretty endearing, they obviously adore you.” Ms. G turned a soft smile on Sans and he swore he could feel it smack into him like a physical force. He coughed and muttered an embarrassed ‘thank you’ before turning to look back over at the kid.

“*a’ight kiddo, probably about time to be gettin’ you home.” Sans planted his palms on his bony knees and straightened back up to his full height, nearly two heads taller than the young woman, who had also risen to her feet. Frisk frowned slightly and looked forlornly back at Ms. G.

“You crazy kids mind if I tag along for a bit? I’m kinda new in town and wouldn’t mind getting a quick tour of this area. You can show me around a bit after we get the kid home, right big guy?” It took every bit of self-restraint Sans had to suppress his urge to do a little mini fist pump. Frisk covertly shot him a double thumbs up.

“*course not sweetheart, ‘s long as you don’t mind ridin’ behind me on my bike.”

* * *

 

Sans’ motorcycle was his pride and joy. It was another thing that made for an excellent chick magnet. Frisk had had the brilliant idea of acquiring a sidecar and decorating it in a fashion that was clearly done by a child. A badass dude with a cool bike with a little tiny kid in a sidecar with racecar and princess stickers with matching helmets made for an interesting sight to be sure.

Frisk hopped into the sidecar and pulled out the tiny little leather jacket that their other skeletal uncle, Papyrus, had made for them. It featured a bright red patch that most humans would identify as a heart, but all monsters would recognise as a determined soul. Sans reached behind them into the little compartment behind their seat and grabbed out Frisk’s little helmet, his own, and his spare that he kept on hand for his lady friends.

Grinning sharply, Sans handed over his spare helmet. “*you ever rode a bike before sweetheart? ‘S not so bad since I got kiddo here this sidecar. Much easier for beginners this way”

“No need to worry about me boneboy, I’m no beginner,” she replied cockily, sweeping her hair back to properly fit the helmet over her head.

 **Come on come on let’s go!** Frisk signed in Sans’ face, bouncing slightly in their seat.

“*a’ight kiddo calm down, just gotta get sweetheart here situated.” Sans swung his leg over the seat and turned back to look at her. “*hop on then sweetheart, an’ hold on tight,” he said with a smirk and a wink. She complied without hesitation and wrapped her arms around his magically conjured abdomen, causing a pleasant shiver to shoot down his spine.

Luckily, the park was only a few minutes away from Tori’s house, making it a convenient place to take the kid when they were feeling restless or when the ex-queen of monsters needed the house to herself. Sans even had his own room in the house itself in case he ever needed to stay the night to keep an eye socket on the kid. Papyrus also had an open invitation to stay the night, as he was the queen’s personal bodyguard whenever she appeared in public.

Sans had really lucked out with his current position as the royal child/ambassador’s bodyguard. Really it just involved hanging out with his good buddy Frisk and intimidating rude humans, two of his favorite pastimes. He and the kid had been through so much crap together; it was a bond formed in trying times. They’d both done each other wrong but had reconciled their differences and used both their mischievous streaks for pranks and other mostly harmless shenanigans.

Soon enough, Sans pulled his bike to a stop in front of a lovely two story house. The house itself was unassuming, but the enormous gate that surrounded the property was certainly not messing around. Toriel took her children’s safety VERY seriously. Sans leaned over and punched a code into the little keypad that stood next to the gate. After a short drive up to the front of the home, Sans turned off the bike and hopped off. “*jus’ wait here, sweetheart. Gonna drop the kiddo off with their mom and then I can give you a tour around- hey, WAIT! Where are ya goin’!?”

Ms. G had already slid off the seat and was knocking primly on the door. A short moment later, it opened to reveal the elegant but intimidating figure of the Queen of Monsters: Toriel herself. She was dressed in crisp black slacks and a red blouse that contrasted nicely with her fluffy, white fur. She also towered quite obviously over the young woman standing on her doorstep. A strange adult human. On her doorstep.

Sans and Frisk exchanged panicked glances, both scrambling to intercept the impending interaction. Much to both of their surprise, Toriel broke out into a dazzling smile and spoke, “Ah, you must be Ms. Guerrero! It’s a pleasure to finally meet in person.”

To Sans’ confusion, Ms. G (Ms. Guerrero?) reached out her hand and shook Toriel’s soft paw firmly. “Likewise. None of the photos do you justice Miss Toriel, you are absolutely gorgeous!”

Toriel tittered and flapped her paw in a dismissive motion, “Ah please, please, you can call me Tori. You really are quite the charmer, aren’t you?”

The young woman grinned and replied, “Alright then Tori, feel free to call me by my first name as well. Carmen, that is.”

Sans and Frisk were both absolutely stunned. What was going on?

Toriel finally turned to look at her child and their loyal bodyguard. “Ah, I see you have already met your new charges. I’m afraid I’m including Sans in this, but since you’ve already become acquainted I’m sure you understand my reasoning.” The two women shared a hearty laugh at that. Sans felt sweat dripping down the front of his skull and hesitantly wiped it off with his sleeve. Had he hit the mustard too hard last night? Was this some sort of alcohol-induced dream? Nothing good can come of two women laughing at him like THAT.

“Yes actually it was quite a chance meeting. I decided to check out the neighborhood before heading over and lo and behold: the young ambassador in the flesh, and their bodyguard _Sans_ the flesh.” Sans felt his soul pulse, _oh no, she puns too??_

Finally, Carmen (Ms. G? Ms. Guerrero??) turned around and smiled widely, obviously amused by their gobsmacked expressions. Frisk looked to their mother and signed, **Mom why do you already know Ms. G? Who is she?**

The lady herself decided to answer the child’s question, “I’m to be your new tutor! Your mother thought it best you get a full time human-oriented education in addition to the monster education she is already providing you. Plus this way you can study even when you must travel for your ambassadorial duties.”

Toriel continued, “Yes Carmen here comes highly recommended as an individual tutor. She’s fluent in many languages and thus will also be able to serve as an interpreter when the need arises.” Toriel’s eyes narrowed playfully, “and she’ll also be keeping an eye on you two troublemakers.”

Sans looked away nervously, “*h-heh, don’t know what you’re talkin’ about Tori.”

Frisk seemed beyond ecstatic that their cool new human friend was also going to be their new teacher. **Cool! Ms. G Ms. G will you still be Sans’ girlfriend even if you’re supposed to be babysitting us?**

Carmen deadpanned, “I’m pretty sure he’d have to ask me out first.”

Toriel giggled lightly, “Oh dear what are we doing speaking on the porch, come inside why don’t you? We can discuss Frisk’s new curriculum to make sure we cover all the ground we can without too much overlap. I’m sure it will be helpful if you were to sit in on their Monster Culture lessons as well.”

“I would love that! Plenty of people would die to get lessons on Monster Culture from the monster queen herself!”

As Toriel and Carmen entered the house, talking about syllabi and textbooks and other things Sans had absolutely no interest in, the skeleton turned to the kid and they shared a look. Sans sighed and deflated a bit. “*well kiddo, how do my chances with her look now?”

**Don’t worry Sans, now that we know she’ll be spending a lot of time with us you’ll have plenty of time to woo her. She’s so cool though, she may actually be too cool for you, no offense.**

“*ugh. None taken, you’re totally right kid.”

**As usual!**

**Author's Note:**

> I like to think that if Tale Frisk is a bit flirty then Fell Frisk is like MEGA flirty. Plus they're kinda a little shit. They're still a total pacifist but that doesn't mean they don't fight in other ways (namely pranks).


End file.
